Mom. Passionate. Wife. Leader. Risk-Taker. Depression. Teacher. Self-Conscious. Creator. Friend. Collector. Christian. Giver. Medicine. Fearful. Performer. Curious. Learner. Advocate. Presenter. Daughter. Anxious. Lover. Selfish. Experimenter. Cheerful. Hider. Shopper.

The Life Cycle of An Identity

What do all of these words have in common? They are identities that have defined me over the years, dating back to my elementary school days.

Everywhere we go, everything we do, every person we meet, and every community we are a part of, our identity changes.

What if our identity disappears? What if our identity changes? What if our identity is taken away? What if our identity is harmful to us or to others? What if our identity develops into passion? What if our identity is ignored? Let’s dive into the meaning of “identity”.

The word identity is more than a word.  Think about it as a life cycle. We all know that life cycles occur due to birth, development, and death, but before death, birth begins. As you move through this reading, we will follow the life cycle pattern to help us define identity.

A Whirlwind of Identity

In 2015, I stood in front of my principal and pitched one of the craziest ideas: getting rid of my teacher desk, the students’ desks, and small group tables.  I remember the expression on her face, and I could only assume she was going to spurt out, NO. However, that wasn’t the case. She was curious and wanted to know more about this idea of mine… by the end of the conversation, she supported my idea… birth. This idea began to grow and spread throughout the school, district, and community… so much so, I was interviewed by several local news outlets… development. By no means was I a master of this idea, but my identity in the teaching profession began evolving: known as a teacher who put her kiddos (referring to my students) first by building relationships, trusting and respecting them, not judging them, but providing a safe place for them to be themselves. I fell in love with that identity because I was being seen. I was being trusted and appreciated. I was being recognized. Most importantly, I was an inspiration to the lives of those in my classroom. I was (notice the past-tense) being a change-maker, a rippler, and a trailblazer all for those sweet pairs of eyes that relied on me to make a difference by providing experiences and opportunities. Then, as fast as growth occurred, death came. I had applied for my “dream” job and was interviewed and hired on the same day. I was hopeful that the identity I had created would follow me and assist me on this new journey of mine. However, it slowly faded away. I was no longer seen as a classroom teacher. I was in a different district with different types of leadership styles. I didn’t have a core group of students to build relationships with or try new things. Now, ten years later, I have yet to find that identity. Should I continue to search, or like Elsa says, “Let it Go”? Should I seek a new identity in my profession?

The Birth of an Identity

The Development of an Identity

Well, if you are reading this section, I assume you are “all-in”  and ready to explore this identity even more. When I analyze my own identities, I see a commonality: A purpose + A supporter = An Unshakeable Identity. Let’s break this down a bit more.

A Purpose

Does this identity give you a purpose to wake up in the morning? Are you excited about the potential outcome? Do you have butterflies in your stomach? Does it seem that everything that is occurring in your daily life connects to the identity you’re developing? Are you eager to dive deeper? (You can fill in the blank here.)

A Supporter

You cannot develop your identity on your own. You need someone in your corner to pick you up when a “no” hits you like a ton of bricks. You need someone to have conversations with. You need to have someone trust you. You need to have someone to help you pick up the pieces. You need someone to encourage you when it is time to step out. You need someone who isn’t afraid of allowing you to fail. You need someone who loves you for who you are. You need someone to appreciate your abilities (and quirks, too). You need to have someone who puts effort into knowing who you truly are.  

An unshakeable identity is something to be proud of. Share it when others do not want to hear or see it. Be grateful that you have found an identity that makes a difference in you and those around you. 

The Death of an Identity

Unfortunately, changes occur. Choices are made. We rely on our knowledge. Situations derail us. Relationships fade, and others step into the light of our circle. Identities do not die on their own. Internal and External factors can be the cause of the death of our Identity. Take Stephen Covey’s Circle of Control. Covey states, “I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions” (Covey, 1989, p. 71).  As you can see, internally, our actions cause them to fade away, and we are left with emptiness and searching. Or, externally, not being able to control outcomes, we are left with the effect of the decisions or actions of others. Searching isn’t easy, trust me, I have firsthand experience with this. We are distracted by mourning the loss of what once made us whole, which is now gone. 

With all this said, I long for the day that I find my identity, once again: the identity of the person I am supposed to be. Just like a treasure hunter, I am seeking far and wide for the treasure. I just need an “X”. 

As always, be on the lookout for inspiration. You never know what it may lead to. 

In your current season of life, which phase of the identity “life cycle” are you experiencing—birth, development, or death?

---

Sources

Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 habits of highly effective people: Powerful lessons in personal change. Free Press.

FranklinCovey. (n.d.). Habit 1: Be Proactive. Habit 1: Be Proactive | The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People®.