Dear Self…

Dear Self,

Who knew? This time last year I was ready to begin my second year as the Digital Learning Coach. I was pumped to have a new Superintendent and Mentor. The vision for our district was like none other.

What happened? Not actually sure. I have reflected and reflected. I have replayed the conversations and replayed the interactions. No negative feedback was given throughout the year; only praise and encouragement surrounded me. I was in and out of classrooms spreading a love of innovation to the educational leaders and students. That day, when I was told that the Digital Learning Coach position would be cut due to “Backpack Leaders” being placed at every school. From that point… I have learned so much about myself… and how much work I need to do on myself.

  1. I rely on others ACCEPTANCE!
  2. I rely on others TO DO THE RIGHT THING!
  3. I rely on others to EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATE!
  4. I rely on others to be a MENTOR!
  5. I rely on others to NOT CHANGE!

My spark went out that day and has flickered on and off for the past 4 months.

When it all boils down… my heart hurts as to how everything happened. My feelings are hurt because who I thought was a mentor was not. And I would be lying if I didn’t say… There was/is a time where I wish this vision (that I once thought was the holy grail) fails. (Which if you know me, is not a normal.) Although, I keep reminding myself, what is happening in that district is unfortunately beyond my control… I say unfortunately because of those sweet faces that I was able to see on a daily basis. I want what is best for them and their leaders and currently what is being done… just can’t be the best.

My goal out of all of this… is to be STRONGER. To rely on God for my strength. I can’t rely on others… I just can’t. I need to find my own spark. I need to find my spark through consistency and something that cannot be replaced. I need to stand up for my thoughts and beliefs. I need to realize that I am enough.

What now? Tomorrow, I begin another journey in my educational career. I am ready to reignite my spark and regain the strength that I once had. I am eager to meet my students and tell them how much I love them and care about their future. I am ready to ignite something inside of them and kindle it as I mentor them throughout the year. I am ready to promise them that…

  • I will accept them no matter what.
  • I will do the right thing to my best ability and in their best interest.
  • I will give them feedback only to help them become stronger.
  • I will be a mentor; no matter the time, no matter the situation, no matter the subject.
  • I will be honest with them from day one. There will be no favorites or no Cool Kid Club.

I want them to see the world as a place full of hope. I want them to see themselves as more than enough. I want them to see me as a constant.

I know that I will become stronger through this and I know that my faith has become stronger… I need to be grateful for the valleys… because it is when we come out of those that we can truly appreciate how lucky we are.

Hopefully, the next time I read this, I will be able to feel how I am feeling at this moment, but I will be able to realize how far I have come.

With Love,

Self

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